woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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