So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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