so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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