So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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