so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize