shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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