C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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