When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
this will be a night to untag.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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