They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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