just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
