what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
