So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
