watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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