nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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