I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
