Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
