Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
