I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
