We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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