My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
