So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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