I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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