I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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