Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
