oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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