he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
