I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
