I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
