You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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