Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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