why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
