you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
