Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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