I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
