I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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