I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
