This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
