I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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