YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
