Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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