my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize