WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
