Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
