Pants 0. Shit 1.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
