Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize