I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize