is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
