I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
