my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
