I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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