So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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