Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
