Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
