it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
