I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
