i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
