Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
bring money and cleavage
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
