I wanna bring you to show and tell
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
