I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
