is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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