Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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