i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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