ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
